I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
