I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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