Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
