he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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