The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
