So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
