A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
