he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
