what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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