u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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