dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
