soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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