ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
