This girl is more easily done than said...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This toilet bowl is my home.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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