Already got asked if we're dating
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
