Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
