It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
