When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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