btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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