My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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