Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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