If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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