Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
