I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
