yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
