I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
