Just fell off a train. Bad.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
