when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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