I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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