dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
