Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
