sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
