I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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