he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
