Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just puked most of my soul out..
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