O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
