yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
