Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
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just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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