Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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