a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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