It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
