I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
