Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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