and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
