i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
