Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
