She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
