He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
