I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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