Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glass in half.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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