he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
