i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
