i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
