He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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