The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
worst night to have a conscience
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
