so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
pop tarts are not kleenex
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
