my vag is so smooth its legendary
love makes seman taste better
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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