the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
