Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sext me about skeletons
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
