So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
