i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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