so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
